Perseverance

I must quickly jot this down here, before I lose the formula (like scientist only hor...) Oh, you see, my specimen is one of the most stubborn species who will not budge or listen and I think this type of species is going to extinct soon. And this is what makes it all the more dear!

Anyway, yesterday, after many years of trying the old formula, I actually embarked (actually after many days of tolerance and deep breaths) on a new method. So, again, she did a slugglish attempt at her BM homework. For that, came more "+ve encouragement", more Maths sum. She budged reluctantly and came back with 8 out of 10 incorrect answers. I gritted my teeth. What should I do? No ugly scene. So, I let the specimen grind herself on the sofa and she continued her whining with promises of 'no TV, no computer games, no anything!' She persevered, I did too!

Then, this morning, I told her "no TV time today because you didn't finish your Maths yesterday". I got the younger brother to tone down his TV volume. She whined somemore. I explained coolly, how she should do her Maths questions, "With your heart" and after that you can join your brother. And I went off with my chores. And when she was done, I was pretty proud to say, she got them all correct! I showed her the comparison with yesterday's work and she seem to understand that there was no need to fight a losing battle.

So, persevere. Hope I need not resort to this again and hope my dearest princess can go back to the sweetie she was 2 days ago without me having to use this formula at all. The key word, right time, right mood, let's persevere on the right note!

Life's dream

I am in some sort of phase where I realise that all the while, I have been living for others. My dream actually, consist of my kids and family only. I never thought about what I really wanted.You are right, it takes a lot of courage to do it all. You think you can't, you have no time, what about work, what about money, what about family etc. If only, u can just do it! I like Nike for that!

But anyhow, if we do a good job at everyday life, never sorry for what we do, isn't that already an achievement in itself? Lead an honest life and you will find fulfillment naturally?

I salute the people (the Tzu Chi volunteers, my Round Table 'xue chang', the volunteers at the children homes) who can be so selfless and be able to contribute time, money, to help others, and this they do it at their own free will. These people help others and at the same time, this is their own dream. Is it not wonderful to be able to fulfill both this way!

Well, we try our best when we are in this world. In the end, it is our own life and what we make of it.

To let go or not

When I share my problems relating to my kids, people often say and advice, “It’s time you let go and give them space.’’ This is one difficult question. Most of the time, it is easier said than done. So, to what extend do we let go ?

At work, I can make hundreds of decision so naturally. But when it comes to your dear ones, you fear the consequences and whether you made that right decision. Maybe to some of you out there, it is simple, but to me I find it really tough deciding whether I should check my daughter’s homework. Or if whether if I check her homework, and find out that she made mistakes, should I point out to her? Or l should I let her learn a lesson.

I think there is no right or wrong and there is no definite answer to this. Maybe if she checks her own homework, she will learn to take charge and be more responsible. Maybe if she is corrected by the teacher, she realizes how grave are her mistakes and why she needs to buck up. The “maybes” can go on. But since I have done one way for so many years and it didn’t work out for my daughter, why not I try another way.

Bah! I will just follow my instinct. In the end, I know I love her and I also want her to be happy. Ultimately, what do I want? Does it matter? It’s her life, I will just lay it in front of her, but she decides for herself. What if she make the wrong decision? Well, with a heavy heart, we observe from the sidelines and try to offer her support as best we can. I will make sure she knows Mummy loves her no matter whether she knows her multiplication tables or division sums. If she stumbles, it is still not the end of the world. The sky still has not fallen.

So, this morning, I took the first step (or second?) I let her decide whether she will do her Maths/ Chinese. She cried and threw tantrum, I kept quiet and hugged her, and told her Mummy loves her. She still wouldn’t budge on her maths. I told her firmly, tomorrow you still have to do it. So, is that “letting go or not”?

Expectations and Love

Maybe the expectation I have for my kids are a bit too high. When I look back, I think I have been too good a girl to really enjoy my childhood. I tried to think my memories of the past, I can only see myself being the goody girl, always finishing my homework (so that I can read my favourite stoybooks), finishing my revision, getting good grades etc. I did remember playing hopscotch, teng-teng, zero point, galah etc though.

I think with that, subconsciously, I have high expectation for my kids, esp. my daughter. I need to learn to remember that each invidual is different, and for that Wen is one unique individual who has a very strong attitude.

And to that, since everyone leaves this world eventually, why not we try to make our life better. Let's try live life so that when it is that last moment of our lives, we can tell ourselves, that we do not have any regrets in life. I will like my love ones to remember me for my goods and not for the bitterness. And I shall persevere for myself and my family.

Cheers to a good start!

11th March

The revision for today was cancelled off. I thought I will give the kids a break after the exams, even though Wen’s results are quite disappointing this time. She also did not do well in her both the Chinese papers.(worse than the Mathematics) But yesterday, after looking at the exam papers, I only commented briefly that she could have done better. I was very much more in composure than the day before. So, I was thinking, since the exams are already over, it is no point reprimanding her. I will just keep stressing to her the importance of doing well in the actual exams itself.

Back to more fun stuffs. So, we thought we will play some games and do some readings.They agreed that we will play UNO. We had some fun at the card games, though Wen started to give the sour face, when she didn’t manage to win any games. After that, we did some read-out-loud of some English Disney storybooks. Hahn still need some coaching, and got frustrated when Wen was too fast when reading ‘his’ book.

Anyway, all in all, I stuck to my principle. I was considered quite tolerant and kept my cool quite well. I hope tonight, it will be better. So, I will start to change myself first, before I can change the kids. That’s cheers to a good start.

Good communication is everything.

This week is a week where both work and home front isn't quite smooth going. Workwise, I don't want to mention much because it is utterly useless to waste my blog space for something beyond my control. However, from this week's experience, I do learn that with different people, we have to communicate in different way. Though we may think we are right, but due to the circumstances, and for sake of putting up with appearances, we might want to tone down and tackle the issue in a more subtle way.

At home, after the exams, things did not get more relax as I thought it would. for some reasons, Wen seems to get agitated more often and Hahn is noisier than usual. So, besides tackling their occasional bickers, we had to also tackle the Wen who is now getting all relaxed and to get her to work again needs to take more effort.

So, you see, the exams are over. And the kids are expecting a little relaxing time, and mummy too. Unfortunately, during the weekends, there was tonnes of homework. Imagine, 15 pages of Mathematic homework. There was some Mandarin writing, calligraphy etc.

After that, the tuition homework in the weekdays was quite tough too. So, that’s where the pressure was. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I checked my girl’s bag, and found her Mathematics exam paper. The result was not good at all, considering the amount of effort. Anyhow, we wanted to know if it was her lack of effort to understand the questions and attempted the questions half-heartedly or the questions were beyond her capability. So, after some lecturing, we sent her to bed. Begin the worried freak, this morning, I told her some more stuffs, why she should try harder, that mummy will try to help her understand the problem questions. That is when she told me in a agitated manner, “ Don’t say already”. This is what always breaks my heart. So, she finds me naggy already. I told her a matter of factly, “ I will only stop telling you in 2 conditions. One, when you are already good and sensible enough. Two, when I am dead.”

After that, I told myself. This is a great challenge. It may not work overnight or in 2 months. But one day, she (they) will know my good intention for them, my sacrifices etc. I shall persevere and keep hoping that they will somehow improve. Maybe, my method of communication need to be changed. I need to find a more effective way to get the message across. I will not repeat if it will not work.

Whatever comes, whatever pressure, I have to manage better.

Exams

2nd March 2010

See all the blog posts are backdated, since I wrote them earlier, but didnt get to publish them until now!

So, kids will be having exams today and for the next 2 days. I think they have prepared well enough, this time. Even though the teachers covered the syllabus quite hurriedly this time, at least the scope of the exams have all been covered.

Now, it is all up to the kids, to try their best and put what they have learnt on paper. I have reminded them to be careful and check their answers thoroughly. Now, let’s say a little prayer to that the kids to be calm and clear headed so that they can think and attempt the questions smartly. Om mani padme om!

Kai Gong

26th February 2010
The kids will be having exams next week. So, it is notes crunching time again. But, this time, since we have been on our toes since the school reopened and because I have been with them during my half-day-at-home days, I should think that it is pretty relaxed kind of revision.

It was tough getting them to ‘start work’ after the long Chinese New Year holidays, although they told friends and relative that they ‘kai gong’ on the seventh day of CNY. Kids are cute in the way they say things.

But, anyway, after the get the drift that there is no escape from revision, they kind of accepted it, that they have to sit through the one/two hours before they get to the Doraemon, Power Rangers or Smurfs. Anyway, fingers crossed and hopefully, the kids try their best too. I know Mummy always try her best.

Today, I work full day because John is off. Funny thing is I miss the kids. Previously, I used to be easily stressed up with them eg. their dilly-dallying before sleeping time, or their not wanting to eat this or that etc. Now, I can manage and get around all those things with much ease. And kids are also more receptive. Maybe, because they have grown up. Mummy has also grown up. I don’t deny I am learning how to tackle them everyday. And I hope I get better everyday.

New arrangement

12th Feb 2010
So, this new arrangement of me working half days has been carried out for 2 weeks. How do I feel? Do the kids like it? Well, personally, I still have some getting use to do. Jobwise, at times, it is quite rush, having to squeeze in work into half a day. Sometimes, some documents are piling up when I go in for work. Right now, I am still on unpaid half day leaves until the arrangement gets the go-ahead with the top management. But, other than workload, I still bear full responsibility for the functioning of the department. So, the company doesn’t lose out at all.

On the home front, I think I can manage better since I spend more time with the kids. I get to know if they have certain problems with their schoolwork which they need mummy to coach them. As much as I want to be there for them, I also want them to learn to be more independent. So, I will try to work in the “background’ when they are attempting some questions, or finishing up their homework. I will try not to push them too much. Balancing schoolwork and playtime is important.

Kids. I can sense they don’t miss the childcare this time round, since they still get to see their friends at school and still go to the childcare when I need to work full-time during the first week of the month.

When I asked them, “ Do you prefer to stay at home, or go to the childcare?” Both would say without hesitation, “Home!”. “ Why?” Reply:” Food!” Gee…. Kids are kids, you can please them just by giving them their favourite foods. For 2 weeks, I have not repeated the lunch menu. It was mixture of healthy food (fish/chicken porridge, salmon with spaghetti, macaroni , fried noodles, ) plus some kids fave eg. (burger, hotdogs/egg sandwiches, curry mee). They even get to bring food to school for recess on some days. So, it is a stone that can kill many birds.
But, many people ask me whether I really need to sacrifice this way. Yes, I am going ahead with this arrangement. Tired, I maybe, but at least I have to try and make the most out of this. Of course, I hope things turn out the way we expect it to be eg. kids’ schoolwork improve, communication gets better etc. But however, I want to tell myself not to expect sky high on the kids’ results, since it will be added pressure to everyone.

So, for this Chinese New Year, let’s let our hair down. I am going to give the kids a break from their schoolwork. I am giving myself a break too. Yeah… HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!